So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
