I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
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