the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
