listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
