you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
