How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
