There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
