Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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