I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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