I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
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that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
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I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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