y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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