She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
