my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
