hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
