do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize