Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
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Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Alive.
So much puke
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
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I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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