you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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