i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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