you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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