just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
