ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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