gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
