i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
