Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
