He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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