Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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