his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
