i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
