I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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