I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
