when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
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we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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