So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
