fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
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You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
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He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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