That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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