phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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