Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
