I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize