Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
