im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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