Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
