i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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