I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
