If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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