He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
