he shaved USA in his pubs
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
