Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
