I accidentally burped into my bong.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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