I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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