how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
