i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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