I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
