Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
