the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
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