so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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