I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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