Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
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I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
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Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize