answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
