if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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