So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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