My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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