i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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