Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
