I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
